Shop
Things we make to piss off people you love. Personalized, printed, shipped. More coming.
Printed Things
45 items
- The CommitmentTheir picture, up to five feet across, framed in black pinewood and hung where nobody can miss it. Lines optional. Blessing still required.Framed Canvasfrom $149.00
- The Custom ApronWorn for the whole cookout, pointed away from the person wearing it.Apronsconcerninghostilefrom $42.00
- The Custom Area RugTheir picture, room-sized, and under everything they own.Area Rugshostilefrom $53.00
- The Custom Beach TowelThirty by sixty inches — the one thing here they will carry out of the house on purpose.Beach Towelsannoyingconcerningfrom $52.00
- The Custom Body PillowFleece or microfiber, and long enough that they will end up hugging it.Pillowsconcerninghostilefrom $89.00
- The Custom Car MagnetThree shapes, magnetic, weatherproof. Taking it off is the part with an audience.Car Magnetsannoyingconcerningfrom $12.00
- The Custom ComforterFour sizes, up to a hundred and four inches wide. Real bedding, not a novelty throw.Comfortersconcerninghostilefrom $139.00
- The Custom CrewneckEight sizes of the sweatshirt that never quite comes back.Sweatshirtsannoyingconcerningfrom $40.00
- The Custom Cutting BoardGlass, textured, and directly underneath dinner.Cutting Boardsconcerninghostilefrom $33.00
- The Custom Dad CapUnstructured cotton, four colors, and a year from now it is just their hat.Hatsannoyingconcerningfrom $35.00
- The Custom Desk MatTheir picture, at the size of a desk, under the keyboard and the coffee.Desk Matsconcerningfrom $24.00
- The Custom Door MatTheir picture, at the front door, with a greeting they did not write.Door Matsconcerninghostilefrom $49.00
- The Custom Fanny PackAt the waist, facing out, opened every time they need a key.Fanny Packsannoyingconcerningfrom $44.00
- The Custom FlaskSix ounces, and the picture takes almost the whole front of it.Flasksconcerninghostilefrom $39.00
- The Custom Floor MatTheir picture, in five sizes, on the mat that takes the worst of the winter.Floor Matsconcerninghostilefrom $53.00
- The Custom Greeting CardsMatte, folded, envelopes included. Fifty of them is a mailing list.Greeting Cardsannoyingconcerningfrom $13.00
- The Custom HoodieEight sizes of the thing they put on when they're done being seen.Sweatshirtsconcerninghostilefrom $48.00
- The Custom Letterman JacketBetween the shoulder blades, on the most expensive thing here anybody can wear.Jacketsconcerninghostilefrom $102.00
- The Custom Mixing GlassThe one they build the drink in, before anyone else is in the kitchen.Glasswareannoyingconcerningfrom $20.00
- The Custom Mouse PadTheir picture, nine inches across, directly under the hand they work with.Mouse Padsannoyingconcerningfrom $13.00
- The Custom MugTheir picture, on both sides of a 15-ounce mug, with a line above it and a line below. Lines optional. Blessing still required.Mugsfrom $19.00
- The Custom NecktiePrinted the whole way down, for the two hours they cannot take it off.Necktiesconcerninghostilefrom $27.00
- The Custom Oven MittsIt only comes out when the food is ready, and then both hands are up.Oven Mittsannoyingconcerningfrom $36.00
- The Custom PennantTheir picture, on twill, on a dowel, shaped like something they won.Pennantsannoyingconcerningfrom $32.00
- The Custom Pet BowlOn the floor, refilled twice a day by somebody who bends down for it.Pet Bowlsannoyingconcerningfrom $39.00
- The Custom Pin ButtonRound, metal, three diameters. It goes on a bag and it stays on the bag.Pin Buttonsannoyingfrom $11.00
- The Custom Plush BlanketVelveteen, three sizes, and softer than anything they would have picked themselves.Blanketsannoyingconcerningfrom $30.00
- The Custom PosterTheir picture, at gallery scale, with a line above it and a line below. Lines optional. Blessing still required.PostersFramed Canvasfrom $24.00
- The Custom PuzzleThey assemble the face themselves, one piece at a time.Puzzlesconcerninghostilefrom $46.00
- The Custom Scented CandleNine scents, one of which is Unscented.Candlesannoyingconcerningfrom $30.00
- The Custom Shower CurtainSeventy-one by seventy-four inches, in the one room with nothing else to read.Shower Curtainsconcerninghostilefrom $69.00
- The Custom Skater SkirtSix sizes, on the one garment here that changes shape while they wear it.Skirtsconcerningfrom $56.00
- The Custom Square PillowcaseSeven square sizes. The pillow is already theirs — this just goes over it.Pillowsannoyingconcerningfrom $26.00
- The Custom T-ShirtTheir face across the whole chest, in the size they actually wear.T-Shirtsannoyingconcerninghostilefrom $28.00
- The Custom Tank TopPrinted on the front of the least amount of shirt there is.Tank Topsconcerninghostilefrom $27.00
- The Custom Tote BagBlack canvas, one size, and the only surface here that stays still long enough to read.Tote Bagsannoyingconcerningfrom $21.00
- The Custom Trucker CapAbove the visor, on the hat that goes on without a mirror.Hatsannoyingconcerningfrom $29.00
- The Custom Wall TapestryUp to a hundred and four inches of them, held up by four pins.Tapestriesconcerninghostilefrom $36.00
- The Custom Water BottleCold for forty-eight hours, and sized for the cup holder.Water Bottlesconcerningfrom $45.00
- The Custom Whiskey GlassSix ounces, the size every bar uses. Hand wash only, for the rest of its life.Glasswareannoyingconcerningfrom $22.00
- The Custom Women's Baby TeeThe shirt they'll put on when they want the day to go well.T-Shirtsannoyingconcerningfrom $35.00
- The Custom Woven BlanketCotton yarn, a colorful fringe, and no ink anywhere. It is a real blanket, and that is the problem.Blanketsconcerninghostilefrom $63.00
- The Custom Yard SignTheir picture on a lawn, facing the street. Blessing still required.Yard Signshostilefrom $45.00
- The Custom Yoga MatAn hour a day, nose to nose with the person responsible.Yoga Matsconcerningfrom $79.00
- The Facilities PortraitYour friend, on the toilet, at gallery scale. Face optional. Blessing required.PostersFramed Canvasannoyingconcerninghostilefrom $24.00
Digital Things
Nothing digital for sale yet.