Passive-Aggressive Office Kit

There's a coworker you love and cannot manage. They reply all. They say "per my last email" out loud, in person, to your face. They finished the coffee sometime last winter and haven't started a pot since. The supply closet was never stocked for this. Stock your own desk instead.

• One label maker, loaded. The office's labels are informational. Yours are jurisdictional.
• One brass plaque blank, engravable, with a desk stand — ready to be conferred the next time they say the thing they always say.
• One laminator. A document becomes permanent the moment it can no longer be folded. Use it on anything you intend to outlast the quarter.
• Sticky flags, assorted colors. For marking violations where they occur, pending formal citation.

Every item is quiet, beige, and allowed on a desk. Nothing here raises a voice. The goal isn't confrontation; it's documentation so complete that confrontation becomes unnecessary. The coworker is loved. The coworker is impossible. Both are now supported by materials. You'll run out of flags. That tells you something.