Spreadsheet Energy at Casual Events

Give your friend the Department of Recreational Spreadsheet Use's Distinguished Service Citation, for bringing spreadsheet energy to casual events. Yours qualified a long time ago.

The award is careful about scope. It isn't for the spreadsheets — those are covered by his license, which the Department confirms is current. It's for the energy: the belief, carried into rooms where people were relaxing, that a good time is a planning problem.

Cite the qualifying acts. The camping-trip provisioning workbook, one tab per meal, a weight budget per vehicle. The dinner for eight split to the cent, tip modeled at 18, 20, and 22 percent, payment requested before dessert. The group itinerary with cells shaded by his confidence that the museum would actually be open. Each time, attendance was optional and the formatting was not.

The citation text is brief, as citations are:

For sustained spreadsheet energy at events that requested none; for order, brought anyway; and for the workbook that settled the cabin dispute, the Department awards its highest casual honor.

Present it at the next gathering, between the meal and the game. The medal is small, the ribbon gray. He'll want the selection criteria. They're in a spreadsheet, and he may not see it — which is the closest you'll ever come to telling him you're glad he's like this.