Pitmaster Quarterly Cover
Put him on the cover of Pitmaster Quarterly. He was never interviewed. He was simply audible.
- Severity
- Concerning
- Date
- July 12, 2026
- Cost
- $$
- Effort
- Moderate
- Forgiveness window
- two issues
Put your friend on the cover of Pitmaster Quarterly. Build the whole object: glossy stock, a masthead, a bar code, and a cover image of him at the smoker at dawn, shot from the far side of the yard, with all the gravity he's always felt the scene deserved.
The cover lines stack down the left edge, each pointing to a page that exists:
THE TEN-HOUR COOK: A DAY IN THE LIFE 225 AND HOLDING: ONE MAN'S NUMBER THE RUB HE WILL NOT NAME — PAGE 17 PLUS: SMOKE RINGS OF THE GULF COAST
The profile runs six pages and was reported entirely from lawn chairs within earshot of the smoker. He was never interviewed. He was simply audible. He's quoted at length and accurately, which he'll find harder to argue with.
Mail it in the clear plastic sleeve trade journals arrive in, subscriber label filled out in full, postage real. He'll read it twice — once quickly, then once slowly, as coverage. You made him the cover story because, to you, he always was.
Make It Worse
- Enclose the subscription card; the rate is listed as complimentary, for cover subjects
- Publish a correction next quarter regarding his stated wood preference
- Run the letters page: two letters, both concerning him
- Sell the back cover to the Association of Men Who Own One Smoker