Licensed Indoor Goblin

Issue your roommate a license certifying them a registered Indoor Goblin, Class C. Framed, numbered, current, valid within the residence named on its face.

The license is earned, not given, so cite the qualifying conduct on the reverse: a full sleeve of crackers carried into an unlit room at two in the afternoon; the same blanket worn as outerwear for a third straight day; an audible objection, from under that blanket, to the concept of morning. Two citations qualify an applicant. Your roommate has more.

Check the standard endorsements that apply. B — Blanket Accumulation. D — Operating in Darkness. S — Snack Caching, Residential. Print the restrictions on the face, where enforcement has not been funded:

Not valid before 10 A.M. Valid indoors only; the porch is operated at the holder's own risk.

Present it framed at the housewarming, or hang it by the thermostat, where inspection is most likely. Renewal at expiry isn't automatic. It has, however, never been denied — you made it too accurate to revoke, and you're too fond of the goblin to try.